Mealtime Musings: What is Metal?

Some of you may know that I eat lunch with a group of eight guys from work. Everyday, A pair of us will make a lunch for all of us to share and we’ll sit together sharing in fellowship. The conversations we have during our lunch hour are pretty lively as is wont to happen with that many people sharing a meal together. The topics have ranged from starting our own Olympic handball team to discussing the existential subtext of Adventure Time.

One of our favorite topics is attempting differentiate different musical genres. Since one of our group members is a huge fan of metal, we often attempt to answer the question, “What is metal?”

I present to you the findings to this question after one such discussion. You can read the entire conversation below.


  • Feeling deathly ill to fine in less than 24 hours
  • The phrase “deathly ill”
  • Things that cause pain, death, and/or suffering
  • Conversations that end in the death of millions
  • Doge, Lord of Darkness
  • Aric, but just a little bit

Not Metal:

  • Wood
  • Being good at spelling
  • Arguing Semantics
  • Arguing what is and isn’t metal
  • Being hardcore just for the hell of it
  • None of the rest of us

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